Remember back in the day when MySpace was the shit? Remember when we lived in caves and ate big ass mammoth steaks?
MySpace brought social networking and blogging to the mainstream. People will argue that LiveJournal did this, but only homos and douchebags use LJ. MySpace made it possible for anyone and everyone to whore themselves on the internet without having to go through the trouble of uploading nude pics of yourself to everyone of your email contacts or making a website titled lookatmeimdesperateforattention.com.
The history of MySpace is pretty simple. This hipster douche named Tom Anderson (an assumed alias I’m sure) woke up one day in a Boone’s Farm-induced stupor, pulled his cock out of his boyfriend Chris DeWolfe’s ass, and exclaimed “OMG DOOD! I just totally thought of a way to get the whole internet laid!” and SHAZZAM! MySpace was born.
For awhile, MySpace dominated the Social Network scene, allowing any Joe Schmoe to create a page to fill with half-brained blurbs, worthless blogs, and all the odd-angled camera captures you could handle. MySpace had gajillions of users while the now vastly-superior Facebook was still only available to Harvard students and the cast of Revenge of the Nerds.
As time progressed, the quality of MySpace took a huge turn for the worse. An army of 13 year olds posing as adults started making a plethora of pages, turning the site into a pedophile’s dream. The website became all about stupid “application games” like Mobsters and Vampires, and all the personal pages became more glittery than Edward Cullen’s dick. Thankfully, it was around this time the yokels at Facebook stopped being elitists and started letting normal people make sites there, free from the wasteland of preteen cleavage and fat-old-men-posing-as-young-boys MySpace had become.
Before I continue, allow me to give you some insight on Facebook’s history. Facebook was started back in 2003 by this guy who, after being laughed at and ridiculed by emo hoodrats on MySpace, decided to start his own Social Networking site. Back then it was called Facemash, and it was similar to Hot or Not in that it would allow you to judge people’s looks anonymously while also providing good beat off material for the nerdlings at Harvard, for whom the site was initially designed. There’s alot more to it than that, but due to apathy, I’m gonna cut it short. Let’s just say eventually Mark Zuckerberg got off his llama and gave Facebook to the common man.
As of September of 2006, Facebook has been available to anyone, not just Ivy League cornholes. It gave social networkers a better place to try to get pussy, with a sleeker design, easier to use functionality, and less customization options (THANK GOD!). Every page looked the same, and finally, all social networkers were considered equal.
All was well. God was pleased.
Slowly, Facebook, just as it predecessor had, slowly began a decline into shit. The cause for this can be summed up in one word: Applications.
Applications are a double-edged sword. On one hand, they’re a fun way for people who are too unintelligent to play real games to pass the time (and let’s be honest, the only people who play these apps are people who can’t tie their own shoes, let alone operate a console controller). Not everyone has a set of keys to have dangled in front of their face, or a ball of yarn to roll around, so these apps fill that void in the little mongrel’s life.
On the other hand, due to the popularity of these apps via the stupidity of the typical social network site user and their lack of intelligent thought, my Facebook (and yours too, I’m sure) are getting constant streams of spam from such gems as Vampire Wars, Farmville, and CafeWorld. It’s enough to drive a man to homicide!
Which reminds me… Farmville? Seriously? You’re so desperate for something to do that you’re playing a game that simulates working on a farm? And you don’t even get paid for it? What’s next? Sweatshopville?
This is getting way too long. Like Jim Bob Duggar should have done, I’m going to wrap this up.
Zynga is the Al-Qaeda of the internet, and those of you playing these apps are terrorists. Thanks for ruining social networking for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment