You know… I was chatting with a friend that has recently lost quite a bit of weight… over 100 lbs. That friend goes by the name of Mikozuna (Mike OH ZOO NAH) and he did it with the Atkins diet… I know I know, there are a lot of you out there who say “the Atkins diet is dangerous, it’s not healthy!”, but you know, how many things have been healthy one day and a breakthrough the next? The plan, for me, is to start with Atkins for, at the very least, the first 75 lbs of weight loss… The key is to lose enough, quickly, to be able to do more physically. I just can’t do a whole lot in the vein of exercise right now because of my weight. I mean really, I have a hard time standing more than 15 minutes at a time, or walking more than 40 yards before my back and knees are killing me and I am short of breath. All those things are caused by the amount of weight that I am carrying around, as well as the fact that I have smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day for a couple years.
The fact of the matter is, I can’t wait to actually be able to start really working out, whether it be at home or at a gym. I really enjoy going through a regular workout, I used to go to the gym after work almost every night after work when I was in NH working as a banquet chef. Golds Gym had a 24 hr location in Nashua on the way home. It was so satisfying to go there and get a good hour, hour and a half workout, then a little steam and a shower.
It’s really the story of my life, so many things I now really enjoy are things I should have been doing so long ago. One other thing like that is the love I have for learning. I wish that I had that passion when I was supposed to start college. I would have done so much more with my life if I had just been able to focus on being a good student. That even goes back as far as being in high school. I screwed around and didn’t take anything, except band, too seriously. Even band could have been a better experience, though, I don’t take complete responsibility for that. I did, however, care way too much about what other people thought… not in a good way, much to my detriment. So many decisions made for all the wrong reasons.
I have had years to think about all of these things, and one could say that you are who you are because of the choices you’ve made… and apart from being cliché it’s true, for better or worse. Physically and emotionally, right now, I am not in a very good place at all. I mean, really, I am a prime candidate for a heart attack and mental breakdown, though , things are definitely getting better. I am optimistic for the first time in a long time.
“You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire, you build egos the size of cathedrals, fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse, grease even the dullest dreams into dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human being becomes an aspiring emperor, and where can you go from there?” – Devil’s Advocate (John Lomax – Al Pacino)
I find this quote both entertaining and fitting. I say this because, I have always felt that I was meant for something more. I wanted to be this huge musician, a real star. As I get older, I realize that it may never happen. Music is one of the couple things that I know that I do very well. It is the strongest of my passions, followed closely by cooking, which is another way that I have really been able to make others happy. I suppose I am rambling a bit… The point is, the plan has been adjusted… My life has changed, and it is time to take the reins and do what I need to do. I am even planning on getting my student loans out of default so that I can go back to school and make a real push toward making a better life. For now, my passion for learning will be confined to learning and perfecting new languages, starting with Spanish, which is the obvious choice for the area that I live and the base of knowledge that I already have.
I leave you with one though, and a question… I have done so much to try to please those around me, and those I thought really mattered when it was me and my life that were affected instead. Have there been times in your life that a decision was made solely to try to gain the acceptance of a certain person, or group of people, that you now realize didn’t matter at all?
Thank you all for your love and support, I will continue with this blog daily throughout my weight loss, maybe even after. Talk to you later.
Kenny
No comments:
Post a Comment